Thankfulness

So, it would appear I've fallen behind quite a bit on this whole blogging thing.  Turns out it's harder than it looks. I got back yesterday evening from Lakeland, headed to Scarlett's to join Jenn and Kyle (one of the biggest Noles fan I know) to watch FSU's super frustrating loss to UF.  I woke  up this morning will all intentions to go to church then looked at my clock and realized church had come and gone. Whoops.  I ended up doing something I haven't done in...well, I can't remember when I last spent all day in bed but that's what I did. A friend leant me a book that she checked out from the library and it is due back Tuesday. 

 I woke up with this much left. One muffin from MiMi's Cafe, a few check ins from returning friends, and half a Papa John's pizza later...it is finished. My justification is that reading is smart so spending all day in bed to finish a book is not lazy OR lame.

The last several days have been quite the whirlwind. I'll insert some pictures first.

Dad and Jon (all grown  up)

Carlton Camp Fire

A bit of a long story

Not Che

                                                                                   

Silliness with my mother- she's the cutest

So first of all, the original plan was to drive to Lakeland (3 hours south) when I got off work at 5 on Wednesday.  Meanwhile, we have a 6 sibling case at work that is approaching it's close out and the prospective adoptive mom wanted all the kids home for Thanksgiving. Totally fair.  The oldest, a 15 year old boy, is at a boy's ranch in south Florida specifically for DJJ kids (Department of Juvenile Justice). That's an hour south of where I was planning on driving when I got off work.  When the caseworker asked if I could pick him up, I said usually I'd be happy to but since someone else was already ready and willing to do it, I'd rather not, only because I would be turning around and going straight back there later in the day.  Not to mention it'd be over 11.5 hours of driving in one day and almost 700 miles on my 13 year old car on the heaviest traffic day of the year. The caseworker, a fellow St. Augustinian who commiserates on the drive we deal with as it is, said of course, no problem.

Well, I'll spare you a reeeeeeeally long and frustrating story and say that 24 hours, a terse email exchange with my boss, and a rental car later...I found myself driving to south Florida, wondering what I was going to talk to a 15 year old boy about for 4 hours.  The answer: not much.  He was nice enough, even so polite as to open the door for me when we stopped at McDonald's to get him some lunch, but overall...not interested in conversation.  There was one random blip of 30 minutes when I guess I asked just the right question and we shared different items on our respective bucket lists, our fear of roller coasters that drop us straight down, and excitement over seeing family for Thanksgiving.  I discovered that he loves Texas and wants to go to school there and also go to trade school to become an underwater welder.  I told him that was pretty cool. I asked him about the prevalence of huge bodies of water in Texas and he said he was still working out some of the kinks. He spoke animatedly and even laughed at some of my jokes!

When we stopped for gas, he hopped out immediately to go to the bathroom before I embarrassingly realized that the gas cap on the rental was on the opposite side and had to turn the car around.  As I was pulling back in, I saw him coming out of the gas station and staring at the spot where my car should be with raw panic on his face.  As soon as he saw me pulling back in, he composed himself freakishly fast and crawled back in wordlessly, his eyes closed when I joined him.

"Did you think I had left you?" I asked.

"I didn't know where you were."

"I know you don't know me, but I'd never leave you hanging, ok?"

He smiled then several seconds later said, "when I was at a different boys home, we always stopped at this exact same gas station. No lie. I couldn't believe it when you pulled in." I wondered if he was lying but he confirmed the city and road we were on even though he had been asleep the last hour or so. Who's heard of Waldo, Florida if they haven't driven through it? I asked him if he missed that place. He  quietly just said he was happy to be where he was now.

Anyone who talked to me the day before I picked this kid up knows I was super frustrated at how the situation was being handled, at the fact that, most likely, I'd be going overtime and wouldn't get compensated, at the fact that it was an inconvenient hassle and was definitely infringing on my time off which is precious far and few between these days.  However, thank God, I had woken up the morning aware I was about to experience something important. Mostly, I felt God was teaching me that though my ultra-convenient and comfortable life has lulled me into believing otherwise, the world doesn't exist to make me happy and it's nobody's job to make sure my life is convenient.  One day, someone close to me will be in a position like this where they feel they are being treated unfairly or are simply confused by having a boss who doesn't seem all that concerned with their feelings (rough wake up call) and I will now be able to sympathize in a different way. I was ok with that outcome.

Yet, when I saw that look of panic on this guy's face and watched how quickly he disappeared behind the walls he had built, I couldn't feel anything but unexpected thankfulness. I was thankful I have a family to travel to, even if it was a day later than I'd planned and with poorly baked goods (fondly became known as..."Caitlin's Ugly Cookies"). I was thankful I had never had to suffer this fear of abandonment, at least to the extreme he has.  I was thankful I got to play a part in getting this kid home for Thanksgiving to his 5 younger siblings who haven't seen him in over 3 months.  We parted ways pleasantly and I returned home, apologetic to God on I-95 for all my selfishness and inability to see the bigger picture.

I spent the rest of night trying to bake what I'd volunteered to bring to Thanksgiving Dinner which was mostly a disaster and made it to Lakeland the next day, right as my parents, Grandmother, and Uncle Tom were packing  up their contributions and driving towards Tampa to my Uncle Craig's where the rest were meeting us.  I was a little embarrassed to show up with pumpkin bread BATTER, sans cinnamon, which Aunt Regina gladly provided and graciously cooked for me.  But as soon as Uncle David put a beer in my head (and reproached me for smelling it first, which clearly questioned his taste in beer) and I got to visit with the family I hadn't seen in over a year...some maybe two, I felt warm and happy.

The weekend consisted of 3 Round Charades, which I was more than happy to introduce to the family after our feast, teaching Mom and Grandmother how to use their iPads, a brave forage into Black Friday (where I got BOOTS!),  Uncle Tom's regular showing of Aliens, and a bizarre, albeit amusing, photo shoot with some choice items from his arsenal...which is my explanation to the above photos. It's ok for people to be amused by the photos, I will accept that they are uncharacteristic, but if someone compares me to Che one more time, I might lose my COOL.

Anyway, that's about where I am on work and life.  Training resumes on Monday (which I'm actually pretty excited about as all Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were field days and the pressure started to be a little overwhelming)  and I'm looking forward to being in a room with only other rookies like myself :)

I do have my second unit exam starting tomorrow which I forgot about until just this second so if anyone wanted to shoot some prayers my way...that would be ok with me.

And if anyone wanted to hold me accountable to this stinkin' 1000 Gifts List...I'd be ok with that too!

Happy Turkey Day...a few days late.

Love,

Caitlin