It's only been THREE months...
I know.
I'm ridiculous.
Blogging was way easier in Turkey when it was the only thing I had to do to preserve my sanity.
These days I preserve it by surrounding myself with people who make me laugh...and trying to exercise regularly (ha).
I'm always a little ashamed when my mom or a friend asks me about this thing and I log back in and see how pathetically I've kept up with it (even though I did say that would happen). It's intriguing though to see where life left off last time I posted and, in some ways, encouraging to see how it is constantly moving forward. I read my previous blog from May and was struck by how silly I am and how small my faith can be. As I was reading about the sentiments I had towards our Europe video, I remembered I was feeling particularly bored with myself and the routine I found myself in.
Three months later, my routine isn't particularly different but God has pushed and prodded at so many things I've tried to leave alone...I don't resent the structure right now.
I just finished my 6 month probationary period at my "new" job and felt extremely encouraged by the feedback given to me by my supervisor. I walked away feeling thankful that God was answering my prayer of learning how to make my mindset towards this job more "missional" as well as convicting me of places and attitudes I could stand to improve. I feel like I've started to know my co-workers as people and not just co-workers and I'm so grateful for each and every one of them. I love learning people's strengths and quirks and what makes them laugh and I feel really thankful to work with the people I do. It makes what feels like an impossible job, seem not so impossible.
I'm coming up on my 2 year anniversary from graduating from college!.. which also marks two years since I've participated in ministry "leadership" in any organized capacity. I really struggled with that for a long time...what use was I to God? To other people? To myself? A bunch of lame identify stuff...you know how it goes. I recently finished reading Captivating (which I hate to say, but I have to recommend it to just about anybody) and cracked myself up reading the notes I'd made in it when I read it my freshmen year of college almost 6 years ago. The book is written by a Christian married couple who explore the way men and women were created differently by God for different purposes and the havoc we reek in our own lives when we live outside of those purposes. Something the book mentions a lot is the difference between a woman "at rest" and one who is constantly "striving." I loved the years I spent leading and being led in InterVarsity and am forever grateful for the friendships that came from that time so in no way can I blame my "striving" on my involvement with IV...but I didn't realize until I took some time away from organized ministry how much I used leadership roles to define who I was and hide all the things I wasn't. I hope to one day reinsert myself into something more "spiritually structured" but until God says so...I'm really enjoying the quiet and private growth that has been happening between just me and God the past couple of years. It's possible that didn't make any sense...or even sounds a little counter-intutitve to Christian culture...but I promise you, it's coming from a good place and has been very life-giving :)
The past several months have had friend trips to lake houses...trips alone to St. George...a work trip to a conference...best friend trips to see old friends from Georgia. They've had visits to see my family that were really hard and some that were really restful. In the past several months I've become addicted to Crossfit Bootcamp and gone on a cooking hiatus. I haven't run over a mile since the Color Run and I purchased my first car. The past several months have had an interesting way of transforming some relationships and removing others to make room for new and unexpected ones. I've given up my 1,000 gifts challenge (the reason I started this thing in the first place) and I've started playing the piano in secret in our garage. The past several months have made me acutely aware of my inability to afford grad school and I haven't taken a class since the spring. They've made me ask God what He wants of me and rejoice in the not knowing. They've had me feeling beaten down and defeated but also finding sorrow as a way to experience intimacy with the Lord. They've had late night talks with Kelly when she was staying on our couch and a recent addition of a dog to our tiny home. All of these things are big and small pieces of the whole picture which is my ALMOST 25 year old life and I couldn't be more content with the simplicity of it right now.
I think simplicity is vastly under rated these days. Life is fast-paced and busy and superficial and we think simplicity means inadequacy. If we aren't continually pursuing higher education...we aren't ambitious enough. If we aren't doing our dream jobs right NOW, we aren't accomplished enough. If we aren't busy on a Friday night, we aren't popular enough. If we aren't married and having babies, we aren't woman enough. I think I operated under beliefs like these for a long time. I don't mean to infer that I want to live a life free of challenge or conviction. Quite the opposite, I want to learn more about the challenges that come with trying to live truly simply. I want to learn more about how I'll grow when I actually seek God in the monotonous...in the every day. I want to learn more about how I'll experience God's joy when I start being content with the things He's giving me right NOW instead of what I think He's withholding.
What I'm saying is, I might not be in grad school like I had hoped...or be living in a different city like I had planned...or know what the next 5 years (or even 5 months) looks like for me. But I do know that I really like the Starbucks vanilla blend coffee Lindy will make for us tomorrow morning and I know it will smell safe and amazing while we're getting ready for work quietly as one of us chooses the music to listen to and neither of us talks to each other except to say "good morning." I do know that I'm dating a boy who holds my hand just right and I look forward to that more than my next paycheck. I do know it's officially fall which means I get to start wearing scarves again and enjoy my favorite autumn skies. These are all small things and I couldn't be more content with them.
So basically...I guess I'm just checking in to say, I'm doing ok :)
And I'm excited...about all the big and little things.
I'm ridiculous.
Blogging was way easier in Turkey when it was the only thing I had to do to preserve my sanity.
These days I preserve it by surrounding myself with people who make me laugh...and trying to exercise regularly (ha).
I'm always a little ashamed when my mom or a friend asks me about this thing and I log back in and see how pathetically I've kept up with it (even though I did say that would happen). It's intriguing though to see where life left off last time I posted and, in some ways, encouraging to see how it is constantly moving forward. I read my previous blog from May and was struck by how silly I am and how small my faith can be. As I was reading about the sentiments I had towards our Europe video, I remembered I was feeling particularly bored with myself and the routine I found myself in.
Three months later, my routine isn't particularly different but God has pushed and prodded at so many things I've tried to leave alone...I don't resent the structure right now.
I just finished my 6 month probationary period at my "new" job and felt extremely encouraged by the feedback given to me by my supervisor. I walked away feeling thankful that God was answering my prayer of learning how to make my mindset towards this job more "missional" as well as convicting me of places and attitudes I could stand to improve. I feel like I've started to know my co-workers as people and not just co-workers and I'm so grateful for each and every one of them. I love learning people's strengths and quirks and what makes them laugh and I feel really thankful to work with the people I do. It makes what feels like an impossible job, seem not so impossible.
I'm coming up on my 2 year anniversary from graduating from college!.. which also marks two years since I've participated in ministry "leadership" in any organized capacity. I really struggled with that for a long time...what use was I to God? To other people? To myself? A bunch of lame identify stuff...you know how it goes. I recently finished reading Captivating (which I hate to say, but I have to recommend it to just about anybody) and cracked myself up reading the notes I'd made in it when I read it my freshmen year of college almost 6 years ago. The book is written by a Christian married couple who explore the way men and women were created differently by God for different purposes and the havoc we reek in our own lives when we live outside of those purposes. Something the book mentions a lot is the difference between a woman "at rest" and one who is constantly "striving." I loved the years I spent leading and being led in InterVarsity and am forever grateful for the friendships that came from that time so in no way can I blame my "striving" on my involvement with IV...but I didn't realize until I took some time away from organized ministry how much I used leadership roles to define who I was and hide all the things I wasn't. I hope to one day reinsert myself into something more "spiritually structured" but until God says so...I'm really enjoying the quiet and private growth that has been happening between just me and God the past couple of years. It's possible that didn't make any sense...or even sounds a little counter-intutitve to Christian culture...but I promise you, it's coming from a good place and has been very life-giving :)
The past several months have had friend trips to lake houses...trips alone to St. George...a work trip to a conference...best friend trips to see old friends from Georgia. They've had visits to see my family that were really hard and some that were really restful. In the past several months I've become addicted to Crossfit Bootcamp and gone on a cooking hiatus. I haven't run over a mile since the Color Run and I purchased my first car. The past several months have had an interesting way of transforming some relationships and removing others to make room for new and unexpected ones. I've given up my 1,000 gifts challenge (the reason I started this thing in the first place) and I've started playing the piano in secret in our garage. The past several months have made me acutely aware of my inability to afford grad school and I haven't taken a class since the spring. They've made me ask God what He wants of me and rejoice in the not knowing. They've had me feeling beaten down and defeated but also finding sorrow as a way to experience intimacy with the Lord. They've had late night talks with Kelly when she was staying on our couch and a recent addition of a dog to our tiny home. All of these things are big and small pieces of the whole picture which is my ALMOST 25 year old life and I couldn't be more content with the simplicity of it right now.
I think simplicity is vastly under rated these days. Life is fast-paced and busy and superficial and we think simplicity means inadequacy. If we aren't continually pursuing higher education...we aren't ambitious enough. If we aren't doing our dream jobs right NOW, we aren't accomplished enough. If we aren't busy on a Friday night, we aren't popular enough. If we aren't married and having babies, we aren't woman enough. I think I operated under beliefs like these for a long time. I don't mean to infer that I want to live a life free of challenge or conviction. Quite the opposite, I want to learn more about the challenges that come with trying to live truly simply. I want to learn more about how I'll grow when I actually seek God in the monotonous...in the every day. I want to learn more about how I'll experience God's joy when I start being content with the things He's giving me right NOW instead of what I think He's withholding.
What I'm saying is, I might not be in grad school like I had hoped...or be living in a different city like I had planned...or know what the next 5 years (or even 5 months) looks like for me. But I do know that I really like the Starbucks vanilla blend coffee Lindy will make for us tomorrow morning and I know it will smell safe and amazing while we're getting ready for work quietly as one of us chooses the music to listen to and neither of us talks to each other except to say "good morning." I do know that I'm dating a boy who holds my hand just right and I look forward to that more than my next paycheck. I do know it's officially fall which means I get to start wearing scarves again and enjoy my favorite autumn skies. These are all small things and I couldn't be more content with them.
So basically...I guess I'm just checking in to say, I'm doing ok :)
And I'm excited...about all the big and little things.
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